Caring for someone at the end of their life can be a privilege. It can be a way to express appreciation for the love and care you have gotten from that person. If you care for your loved one at home, you are providing them the gift of dying at home. For those who have loved ones in a skilled nursing home, assisted living facility or hospital, your loving presence and watching over their care is your gift to them.
Caring for the Caregiver
You may be surprised at the ways caregiving adds meaning to your life. The caregiving role may be something you’ve done most of your life or it may be a new experience. No matter what, caring for a loved one with an incurable illness brings responsibilities and demands that may seem overwhelming at times.
Your hospice team is there to support you in your role as caregiver. They can educate you in the care of your loved one, support you with information and resources and help you work through any caregiving challenges.
I have been the main caregiver for my husband for the past 3 years. At first it wasn’t too bad; he just needed a little assistance here and there. But for the last 6 months, he’s begun to need help with his daily activities, and can no longer do the things that were always his job, like taking care of the car and lawn. We’ve got three children in town, who visit about once a week, but never offer to help take care of him. Don’t they know how exhausted I am?
When someone becomes seriously ill, no one person can do it all. Caregivers need to learn how to evaluate what they need and ask for help. It might be nice if family and friends just jumped in and began to share the care, but often they are not sure what to do, what is needed, and are afraid of interfering with your way of doing things.
For starters, please take a look at your situation to see where you need help and what kind of help you may need. Answering the following questions may help guide you:
• List all the present demands on your time. What other obligations do you have in your life such as work, children, pets, clubs, committees, etc.?
• How much time do you have to devote to the care of your loved one? If the patient’s condition gets worse, can you adjust your time as needed?
• What family members or friends are available to help you?
• Can you afford to hire additional help?
List persons who can help, what they can do, and when they are available.
• Are they good at organizing things?
• Can they make phone calls?
• Can they take care of the lawn?
• Are they willing to clean the house?
• Can they listen to you when you need to talk?
• Can they provide financial assistance or advice?
• Can they bring over a meal?
• Can they pick up medicine or run other errands?
Contributed by Hospice of the Comforter.
